Last night I started my Winter Feast for the Soul practice by journaling for 40 minutes. I wrote 3 pages (handwritten in a book). I thought about ending with a five-minute sitting practice, but I chickened out. I have sat before; I don't know why, exactly, I am so hesitant to do it. I think tonight I'll set my Plum Village meditation for 15 minutes on my iPod and sit.
Writing for that long went by quickly. I admit I was surprised. Later in the evening I read some more of Thich Nhat Hahn's book Savor, about Mindful Eating. This is the thing I most wish to do... and yet I resist it as well. I just had some crackers and hummus. I ate while sitting at the computer. I can barely remember them.
The book talks about all the seeds in our consciousness, and how we can encourage the ones that are healthful and good to grow and stop watering the harmful ones. We can tend the seeds for courage and mindfulness and love, and let the drama and malcontent seeds wither and die. I think many people--including me--water the harmful seeds much more than the helpful ones. I am not entirely sure why that is, though I do have ideas.
Tonight my writing practice will include listing the things in my life I'm grateful for. I tend to resist this kind of practice, because... I don't know. Do I think it's trite? Probably. Yet I know people for whom this simple practice is powerful and moving. I think I'd like to be that sort of person.
I made slippers to keep my feet warm. They have bees.